The Cross in the Road

Right now in my life I'm at a bend in the road. I'm stopped in front of the twos roads; I have to choose one and stick to it no matter the out come. Good? Bad? I'm not even sure. It seems as if everything around me is going at a 100 mph and I'm at a sad and slow 10 mph. I can't catch up with anything or anyone. I can't seem to get a grasp on anything that's going on because once I do it changes. I JUST WANT TO SCRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREAM!!!!!!! Why can't things just somewhat stay the same for even just a little while? Can anyone answer that for me? If you can I applaud you because I can't figure that out for the life of me.

I have two roads sitting in front of me. It would be so much easier if one was lit with sun light, trees all around it, and flowers of all colors surrounding it but it's not. They are both just sitting there. Nothing lit. Nothing is different looking. NOTHING! The part the is the worst though is that I won't know anything at all until I chose one. Nothing will show until I finally make a choice and stick to it.

I have two roads. One or the other. Please tell me why I can't have a happy medium? O wait because people love to be dicks and watch people get hurt. I hate those people! Ugh! The hardest part is knowing that no matter what I do people will get hurt. Not only my life will change from it but others lives will also. Every single person from my family to best friends to very dearly loved ones. The people I do not want to hurt at all. I just don't get how people think making choices are so easy. I struggle with it more than even. I hate seeing others hurt. I'm pretty sure it hurts me more than themselves.

So as I sit here pondering about these roads. The paths and choices that lay on them. Do I choose to stay with a loved one even though something in me doesn't think they want me around anymore? Do I do everything I can with in me to fix my family that's crumbling apart in my hands? Who do I turn to for help? Do I just rely on myself? All these questions... with no answers. All these things that can change so much. Do I follow my gut.... or head.... or heart? I just don't know anymore.

I weigh it all out but in the end it comes down to the same thing. CHANGE! I'm usually so open to it. I encourage it all the time but this time it's different. This time there's more to it but yet I can't find the words to describe it. I know whatever happens I won't regret it. That's the last thing anyone should do. I leave now with a question for you... Have you even been at a cross in the road?

At a bend,

Maranda