Catching Up with Time

As I sit next to my fireplace bundled up in my blanket. I'm running a fever around 100. Sweat rolling down my forehead as I cough my lungs up. I'm in pain from head to toe but yet all I can do is start to laugh. I start to laugh because it's that time again for me. Every year around this time I get sick, sick, and well sick even more. It's never to fun for me but at least I see it coming now.

Well as I sat there in front of the fireplace, then laying on my couch, and tossing and turning in my bed. Memories are shooting in my head. Around a year ago many new things were happening. Many new experiences. I was having Nerf wars with 2 of my best friends all the time. (I know it's very kiddish, but that's who we are) Parties were happening almost every weekend among best friends. Christmas ideas were being spread from person to person. To put it into a short little phrase it would be Christmas joy was being spread!

Whenever I'm sick I usually can't sleep at all. So instead I think. (It doesn't really help the whole head hurting but it gets my mind off the pain) That night I forgot to take off my necklace. I grab it; very scared I broke it yet again. To my surprise it wasn't broken! I grab it in between my fingers and just starred at it. It made me laugh and smile. But all of a sudden that smile and laughter turned into something else. I wipped my cheeks and notice I was crying now. It caught me off guard.

All I could think is why am I crying? I think I'm going crazy from all these pills I'm taking! Then I realized why I was. With the necklace in my hands still; I looked around my room at the pictures that are on my walls. The necklace I have in my hand now is almost a year old! I don't think I've ever been able to have something in my life for a year. As I thought about that I realized many things have stayed in my life.

I noticed how lucky I am that I get to stay away from the drama as much as possible, I get the silly friends that stick by my side, I get the family that's always going to be there, the silly boy that never has doubts, and the memories that I always get. The memories I get to laugh at while I'm sicker than a dog. I'm one lucky person even if I'm quite sick and barely can get a grasp on what's going on.

Sick but okay,

Maranda :)

Lost in the Madness

I'm sitting in a chair that I only take up about a half of and feeling like a little barbie doll. I look to my left and see people having a blast and playing pool. To my right are kids reminiscing about the old and new. Then straight in front of me I see this huge circle of people passing around this circle thing that has a beeping noise coming out of it and people jumping, screaming, laughing, crying and pointing. I look and just shake my head while smiling. I see all the people I have known for a while, just started talking to and people I just started talking to that night.


The night was full of happiness and laughter. Nothing took a wrong turn or twist. You could say it was almost perfect.

That night is a night I will never forget. It was a night that showed me what I'm missing. The friends I hardly talk to anymore and lost friendships I truly miss. It also showed me everything I do have. How good I have it. I must say I'm quite lucky.

As I sat in that chair I think I had someone new sitting next to me or on me every couple mins. It made laugh. I miss the crazy, goofy and silly times that I have had in the past. The second I noticed it I made a choice. I made a choice that I'm going to get back all those times. I'm going to start talking to people I see less and try to get back that friendship I miss dearly.

After I left I also got a whole new experience that I will never forget. It was straight out of a fairy tale. All because of this silly little boy :) That night this silly little boy drove me home. We were walking to his car and I told him to stop. We both looked up and in the sky was this amazing array of stars covering it like a blanket. It was so beautiful I could hardly take my eyes off of it. I finally looked down and there was that silly little boy looking at me. I closed my eyes and something surprised me. He kissed me. This silly little boy made that imprinted in my heart forever.

That night was full of everything a girl could dream of. I will never forget the choices I made, the thoughts that went through my head, and that silly little boy kissing me. I'm a very lucky person! I have it to good! That night is another chapter in my own little book of life.

Lucky,

Maranda :)))

Running Fingers on My Back

So today I was sitting in class about half dead and wanting nothing more than to go crawl on my couch with a huge blanket and someone rubbing my back. I never noticed how stressed, tired, rushed, and sick I have been. The saddest part of that is though is the reason. I haven't noticed these things because I don't have time anymore to notice them. If I'm not working I'm doing homework and if I'm not doing that I'm trying to see my family and friends I barely see anymore. And I know every person reading this knows how I feel completely!

Every chance I got today I went to my desk and just sat there with my head on my it. I finally got to 6th hour, Biology, and I just dropped to my desk. An amazing feeling took over my body and I wasn't sure what it was until I looked back. It was Logan and he was running his fingers on my back. I swear I could have passed out that very moment. With every little twist and turn he made on my back it was like tension, stress, frustration, and any feeling a sickness was leaving my body. That was the most amazing feeling I have had in such a long time. I didn't want it to stop but unfortunately it did when the annoying bell rang.

As I sat there praying for that feeling to stay just a little bit longer I got thinking about how some of the littlest things can get our minds of all the chaos around us. A little thing like someone rubbing your back come back you feel like you're on Cloud 9. It makes me laugh when that pops in my head. The little things are the things that distract us from the overload we call life. Different people have different things that do that for them like someone playing with there hair, humming to them (that with someone rubbing your back is AMAZING I must say), listening to music, a nice comfy couch or bed. Different people different things that distract them.

I swear we should just have a day off to TRY and relax if that's even possible. It seems to get harder everyday. The pile gets bigger and bigger the longer we go along until that one amazing day you finally finish everything. That joyous feeling takes over your body the second you finish that task. You know what that means... YOU GET TO RELAX! Thank you God! :) That joy and funny feeling takes over because all the stress that got built up is finally coming out. Just like when Logan was rubbing my back. It's a feeling everyone loves to feel.

Wanting more of that funny feeling,

Maranda :))

One Deep Breath

Life is unpredictable. You have leaps and bounds you have to go over. You have the happiest of times and the saddest of times. You have times were you're on a natural high and times when you're in pain. Every little thing you go through is something you would have never known that was going to happen. I think that's just an amazing thing.

People try to control everything in their life something. It doesn't matter what but they try to control it and if they don't they blame themselves. I must admit I use to try to control everything in my life and people changed me. They didn't let me control everything and surprised me with things here and there. It showed me how much I was truly missing. I learned that planning every little thing in your life is just a waste of time because you don't know what's going to happen. Things change everyday!

Life is so complicated if you really think about it. It's pretty much like you're in a bad relationship. It can barely ever stick to plans. Doesn't ever call. You can never tell what it's thinking, what's coming, or what it wants. The most stubbern person in the world I like to refer to it as. Even though all those things are true it's still worth working on that "relationship" because those leaps and bounds are all part of the journey. Life shouldn't be predictable. Hell that would be so boring. I don't think anyone could live like that. Everyone needs some surprise in their life.

I know everything life throws my way and your way is most of the time quite hard and difficult. You struggle with it and sometimes you're not sure if you will make it out but you will. You just have to find things to help. Think of all the good times that are coming your way the second that 1 bad thing is over. Deep breaths, Good thoughts, and one shoulder to support you just a little bit. Those are the 3 winning things that will get you out and you will always have.

Everyone has a past and everyone has a future. You know what's happened in the past but no one knows what will be coming in the future. That's a surprise and don't try to control. If things are meant to be they will happen. Deep breaths and Good thoughts. (They help with anything) I hope you let your future be a journey. I hope you get past all those twists and turns to get to all the good times. It's truly worth it.

Taking Deep Breaths,

Maranda :)

The Cross in the Road

Right now in my life I'm at a bend in the road. I'm stopped in front of the twos roads; I have to choose one and stick to it no matter the out come. Good? Bad? I'm not even sure. It seems as if everything around me is going at a 100 mph and I'm at a sad and slow 10 mph. I can't catch up with anything or anyone. I can't seem to get a grasp on anything that's going on because once I do it changes. I JUST WANT TO SCRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREAM!!!!!!! Why can't things just somewhat stay the same for even just a little while? Can anyone answer that for me? If you can I applaud you because I can't figure that out for the life of me.

I have two roads sitting in front of me. It would be so much easier if one was lit with sun light, trees all around it, and flowers of all colors surrounding it but it's not. They are both just sitting there. Nothing lit. Nothing is different looking. NOTHING! The part the is the worst though is that I won't know anything at all until I chose one. Nothing will show until I finally make a choice and stick to it.

I have two roads. One or the other. Please tell me why I can't have a happy medium? O wait because people love to be dicks and watch people get hurt. I hate those people! Ugh! The hardest part is knowing that no matter what I do people will get hurt. Not only my life will change from it but others lives will also. Every single person from my family to best friends to very dearly loved ones. The people I do not want to hurt at all. I just don't get how people think making choices are so easy. I struggle with it more than even. I hate seeing others hurt. I'm pretty sure it hurts me more than themselves.

So as I sit here pondering about these roads. The paths and choices that lay on them. Do I choose to stay with a loved one even though something in me doesn't think they want me around anymore? Do I do everything I can with in me to fix my family that's crumbling apart in my hands? Who do I turn to for help? Do I just rely on myself? All these questions... with no answers. All these things that can change so much. Do I follow my gut.... or head.... or heart? I just don't know anymore.

I weigh it all out but in the end it comes down to the same thing. CHANGE! I'm usually so open to it. I encourage it all the time but this time it's different. This time there's more to it but yet I can't find the words to describe it. I know whatever happens I won't regret it. That's the last thing anyone should do. I leave now with a question for you... Have you even been at a cross in the road?

At a bend,

Maranda

Misty Mind

Have had those days where your mind seems to be everywhere but the place it really should be at? You're thinking of things from the past thinking about the future and well everything. You're replaying senses of some of you favorite and most hated moments you have been through. Some times this feeling is triggered by something that has happened or it just happens without warning. I must say I some times love this feeling of having having a misty mind. I can remind myself of things I may have forgotten.

The best in my opinion of having this "Misty" mind is the memories come to life for me. While I start thinking about them in my head them for some amazing reason just come to life. It's like I'm the only one sitting in a 3D movie theater watching these memories. All those emotions I was feeling rush through me while I sit there watching. It's like I'm there all over again. I can feel it on my skin when someone touches me and those butterflies running through my stomach when a simple thoughts races across my mind. It's one of the most amazing feelings I think a person could have.

One would think those thoughts that pop into your head would be the big things that have happened but it's the complete opposite for. Every little detail and nitch I could name for you but I'm not the best with the bigger things. I guess that just shows me the littlest things mean the most to me. It doesn't take much to make feel like the happiest person in the world so when you do I will always remember it. Something I will always remember and I know this may sound corny but my boyfriend and I ,well I'm not sure what you would, but I call dancing sway a lot without any music. It's something so simple but just makes me feel like I'm on cloud 9. Those are the memories that capture me in those misty moments and never let me out until they are truly over.

I'm truly lucky I can have those moments. Yes, everyone thinks about the bad but you just have to learn from those moments. When you look back think about those just remember you're not going to let it happen again. Not that it was your fault or anything among those lines. Everyone needs to be reminded of there past even if it bad because it reminds you of the things you promised yourself. I'm saying this to every person who has gone through anything horrible in your life; you need to be reminded, YOU became such a better and stronger person for making it out of that thing. After or during or both when you're thinking about it you need to think that. You need to say to yourself I'm such a better person now for making it out because it's completely true.

So as I leave you with a misty mind now I hope you started having a misty mind of your own. It's something everyone should have often in my eyes. It helps you think about what you have, what you have gone through, the bad, the good, highs, lows, twists, and turns. Everyone needs to think and be reminded about how those feels and lessons. I love my misty mind feeling and I hope one day you do to.

Misty Minded,

Maranda :))))))

Silent Words

People speak everyday of their lives. You do from when you are a little baby til you're no long with us. It's an everyday thing for us. You hear people talking in classrooms, on phones, to you, in different languages, and everything in-between. Words are given different meanings and some words have the same meaning but some look more complex than others. But have you ever taken time to stop and think what these people are really trying to say? If they are only just speaking words with meanings behind them? If they are reading something they truly don't even care about? or Are they speaking from their soul and heart? Speaking with the words with meaning in and bound to them?

Have you ever realized when people are just reading some paper they wrote because they have to or when people are talking about things they don't give a damn about they sound lifeless and emotionless. WOW!! Does that bug me more then ever. I don't understand why people do it honestly. If you have to write something your very passionate about what about trying to connecting it to something you. Try to write with even a little bit of meaning. Really, do you think someone is going to sit and listen to you while you're reading... "blah.... this... blah.. that... blah... I freaking hated doing this... I can only stand here with a blank expression and my eyes glazed over..." HOLY! That puts me to sleep. Really you can TRY to make some effort in making it a little interesting.

I love it when people can make the littlest things the most interesting thing in the world. They just draw me in even more with every word filled with meaning a passion behind it. Those are the people that not only speak words but mean every word they say. Those are the people that think and use those simple words but put every ounce of anything behind it. They could be talking about the saddest thing in the word and only say the simplest words and make you ball just because of their emotion, action, and tone when telling the story. I hope one that I could be like those great story writers and to be able to put every once of myself and meaning behind the words I write one day. I want to bring people to tears from the saddest and funniest story.

As I say goodbye I add another challenge for myself and anyone else that what's to stride to achieve and learn more. Next time when you write and read something. MEAN IT!!!!!!!! Put ALL of you into it; not only some ALL!!

Hoping to Achieve,

Maranda

Waking Up with No Voice

Well last night was Halloween as everyone knows. The night was full of fun and laughs! Plans were made and never done but hey that's the great part of being a teen! Well last night I hung out with friends and we had the whole night planned to the T. Of course those plans weren't kept. We ended up just winging it for the most part and talking for most of the night. My friends and I always have those really conversations around 1 month or so. It seems hard to get everyone together to have those good conversations. Well last night we finally got one in and it was amazing.

We talked about everything from people flexing chest muscles, school funding, to everything in the middle. We are very open people when we are all together. Finding a subject to talk on isn't hard at all. Usually during this conversations people open up more than they ever would in public. They use THEIR voice in every conversation. The nice thing is when we get into this conversation mode we don't judge each other. We just let each other talk and get their point across. That's something you can't do with everyone you know. People judge when they take one look at you. Just imagine what they would say if they didn't agree with you on 1 subject. To say the least you're pretty much screwed.

Well last night while everyone was talking and using their voice to get their opinion out I wasn't. I was barely talking at all. I wasn't using MY voice. That's what it has come down to today. I'm so nervous to voice my opinion and tick someone off where they slap me and tell me I'm an idiot for thinking that. I want to use my voice in every way I can but I'm so scared to get those opinions out of my head and spread them to others. I know that my friends won't judge but I can't say that about others. That sucks!

I want to be able to be one of those people who can stand up for every single thing they believe in without any hesitation in their voice. I look up to those people. They don't change their views unless it's for a great reason. I'm not one to back down on my opinions or change them because what I believe in is huge to me. That's me. I wish I could stand up for them though. In those great conversations I have with my friends I seem to always be listening and never really talking much.

So today as I close this blog I'm setting a goal for myself and I challenge any and every person that is like me. I dare you to set the goal that you will use YOUR voice. Stand up for what you believe in. Voice your opinion. Don't let people control you. Be you and use every opinion you have in there. You never know what could happen. Wish me luck... I wish you every once of luck there is out there. I know this won't be easy.

Using Her Voice,

Maranda :))))))))