What to do?

At the moment in time I'm torn in the middle. There are so many things going so many directions and I truly have no idea what to do or say. Lately I've seemed to be drifting apart from people. I'm losing connection with people that I've known for years. I'm at a stopping point in my life. The "2 roads" come into play at this moment.

I no longer have the urge to go out of my way to try to make things work anymore. Suddenly all I can think is if it happens well then for some reason it's suppose to be that way. I don't find myself fighting for things or people I care about.

Honestly, I have no idea why it's happening.

I'm indifferent about it...

I see people around me having fun and laughing while talking. I use to be in that but not so much anymore. I use to love going and hanging out with my group of friends and instead now I'd rather be by myself. Making conversations with people were things I always loved to do and I was well at. Now, I just stare down at my hands and look the other way.

I'm becoming a completely different person. :////////

I miss those things from the past. Sadly I don't even see them in my future. Is it because I'm growing up? Have I been lying to myself this whole time? Or is a lapse in time that I just need to see that I can do it on my own?

That's something that has been running through my head every moment these past days. Can I do it on my own? I want to know that if I'm left that I can make it without them. I think about how a week ago I truly needed someone by my side but they weren't. I was on my own. I didn't know what was going to happen. That day was my judgement day.

Two days later I found out the verdict. I had reached my goal. But what really got me was that I did it on my own. No one was there by my side holding my hand even though I would of loved that.

Thoughts have been flying in and around my head.

Is this curiosity a lapse in time? Or is it something more than that?

Only time can tell. So now I sit in wait. The worst type of torture ever but you can never change it. I wait to find the answer to my questions. Can I be invincible by myself?

Thoughts flying,
Maranda