Movie Theater in My Head

I've always had a thought in my head. It's been replaying over and over and over again. I just can't seem to get it out. It'll die away for sometime but then it'll just pop back up. I can't understand why it's there! It's not a huge deal or anything but it's still there. Gah! Right now I'm sure you're thinking "What the hell is she talking about?" Well I'll tell you. For weeks now all I can think about most of the time is what am I thinking? Doing? Saying? Why am I doing it? All this stuff then there's this picture in my head. A picture that never seems to die away. It may altar here and there but it's still there. It's a never ending movie.

I'm trying to think about why I'm feeling this way? Why I'm thinking about it so much? Why it came up in the first place? Then one day when I was walking to my car, after school had just gotten out, with my boyfriend. We stopped at my car and just talked for a few minutes like we do everyday. Nothing different or out of the normal or anything like that. The day was the same and the time. I'm not sure why but when I saw him smile and looked into his eyes it hit me. The feeling was something new.

I figured it out. All those thoughts now made sense. I wasn't mad or ticked about thinking about this anymore. I was happy and thinking about it willingly. Happier than ever to think about it. The reason why I am thinking about all these things so much is because I have finally realized how much I'm growing up. How fast time is going by. How many new things I'm going through physically and mentally. And I love every single thing I'm going through. In a few things I'm going to be heading off to college, starting my life, getting a job I'll probably stick with the rest of my life, getting married, saying hello, saying goodbye, having kids, and so much more. All these thoughts hit me and for some reason all I can think about is how much I would love all of those things now.

My life as a "kid" "teenager" "tween" any of those names you want to call me now are about to end. My life as an "adult" "grown up" all those good names are about to start. But I don't want to think about it as one thing ending and another starting. I won't one life. One long experience. I want to keep my childhood to stay in my heart, not leave. These things replay in my head every day and I'm finally fine with it now that I found the reason. That reason I love. I can't for the future by I'll live my life day by day. Who knows that one day could make my future that much better!

Found that reason,

Maranda :)))