You...

Well here's a little story for you. I've been going through quite a bit in my family and it was really difficult to even get by one day. I was going through so much that all I did after school was cry. My life was hard. Fighting with my mom everyday, lacking a brother in every way possible, parents yelling, and there was only two people I could turn to. Two people that would be put in difficult positions if they knew what I was going through.

People see me everyday and look into my eyes and see this happy person that's truly not there all the time. People look at me and see what they think they know but they truly have no idea what I've actually been through in my life. There are very few people that know what I've actually been through; they say I'm so strong and they wouldn't of guessed that's something that's happened to me. After they find out and look into my eyes they see me in a whole other sense. Right after the first time they look into my eyes I've gotten the same response from most people. They say all my stories are hidden in my eyes. (If you don't know my eyes are a very very very deep rich brown) I laugh because it's almost the truth. If you look at me in the eyes before you know these things you just see these eyes but afterwards you see the stories.. pain.. joy.. and everything else I've been through.

Well I had been hiding these stories for the longest time and I'm finally opening up and letting some people in. These stories are flowing out of me and I'm comfortable saying them and I'm not ashamed and I no longer blame myself all because of the help from these two people. One of the two people I got into a huge fight with. Tears were flowing down both of our faces, whispering was the loudest we could make the words out, and one step towards the door changed everything.

The second that happened I realized what I needed. I needed to let these stories flow out and that's what I did. I sat on a bed and let them all out. I let everything out. We sat there on that bed for an hour just talking, crying, laughing, and hugging. That's what I needed. I needed someone there to say "You're going to be okay. You're going to make it out of this. I'm here and that's never going to change." You know who you are. and I thank you. After that happened I wrote a poem to try to let them know how much I thanked and loved them for it. I hope it showed how much they mean to me. Well here's the poem. I hope everyone that reads it enjoys it.

You
Hearts are pounding
Teeth are barring,
Laughing is necessary
And Breathing barely,
The room is spinning
Yet, I’m starring,
Dazed by your face
And Your angel like grace,
The butterflies are rushing
And my face is blushing,
By the way I feel
I know our love is real,
As we lay there together
I know it’s forever,
And it’s all because of
You.

Movie Theater in My Head

I've always had a thought in my head. It's been replaying over and over and over again. I just can't seem to get it out. It'll die away for sometime but then it'll just pop back up. I can't understand why it's there! It's not a huge deal or anything but it's still there. Gah! Right now I'm sure you're thinking "What the hell is she talking about?" Well I'll tell you. For weeks now all I can think about most of the time is what am I thinking? Doing? Saying? Why am I doing it? All this stuff then there's this picture in my head. A picture that never seems to die away. It may altar here and there but it's still there. It's a never ending movie.

I'm trying to think about why I'm feeling this way? Why I'm thinking about it so much? Why it came up in the first place? Then one day when I was walking to my car, after school had just gotten out, with my boyfriend. We stopped at my car and just talked for a few minutes like we do everyday. Nothing different or out of the normal or anything like that. The day was the same and the time. I'm not sure why but when I saw him smile and looked into his eyes it hit me. The feeling was something new.

I figured it out. All those thoughts now made sense. I wasn't mad or ticked about thinking about this anymore. I was happy and thinking about it willingly. Happier than ever to think about it. The reason why I am thinking about all these things so much is because I have finally realized how much I'm growing up. How fast time is going by. How many new things I'm going through physically and mentally. And I love every single thing I'm going through. In a few things I'm going to be heading off to college, starting my life, getting a job I'll probably stick with the rest of my life, getting married, saying hello, saying goodbye, having kids, and so much more. All these thoughts hit me and for some reason all I can think about is how much I would love all of those things now.

My life as a "kid" "teenager" "tween" any of those names you want to call me now are about to end. My life as an "adult" "grown up" all those good names are about to start. But I don't want to think about it as one thing ending and another starting. I won't one life. One long experience. I want to keep my childhood to stay in my heart, not leave. These things replay in my head every day and I'm finally fine with it now that I found the reason. That reason I love. I can't for the future by I'll live my life day by day. Who knows that one day could make my future that much better!

Found that reason,

Maranda :)))

Hello 1500 New Faces!!

Well I'm sure you're thinking "What the heck are you talking about?" when you started reading my blog title. Here's your answer. This weekend I'm going to up the cities for my Y.I.G (Youth In Government) and I'm staying there for 4 days! HOLY!! I'm so excited! There are going to be around 1500 people there! Can you say a lot of people? Well I'm pumped for it. It's my first year doing this so I'm not quite sure what to expect but I think that's the part that I'm most excited for. I love new experiences, people, memories, and well pretty much everything. They are just my thing. :)))))))))) I CAN'T WAIT TIL IT'S HERE!

Pumped,

Maranda!

Cheers to this Past Year!!

WOW! Can you believe it, another year has gone and past. Memories were made and shared. Tears streamed down the faces of the people you look at every single day. Laughs were heard around the world. Love found others while some lost it. New friendships came to those who truly needed it. Last but never the least every single person around the world had dream made.

When I sit in my black and over sized wooden chair and think about the year that has passed I just can't believe all the things that have passed me by. I think of all the new times I have had with my friends. The laughs we have had because of the jokes, silly faces, our perverted minds (we all know we have one), the clothes we're wearing, the movies we are watching, and every other thing we have done. My friends have been there for me through everything that has came my way.

Everything I was given and lucky to have this past year is so new! I'm so lucky to have them! So Cheers to you guys! Cheers to laughs you let me spend with you! Cheers to the tears you guys wipped off my face when I was crushed. Cheers to goofy times where we have sat on each others lap, tickeled one another til we have cried and screamed to stop (well mostly it was jasmine and I getting tickled and everyone else tickeling us), and where we have sat on our couches and talked for hours on end. Cheers to the times at the lunch table were the naughty talk happens. Cheers to my boys were I'm their mother; I'm not sure they could plan anything without me. Cheers to my girls that have always been on my side. Cheers to the new and old friends. Cheers to the Hellos and Goodbyes.

This past year has opened my eyes to everything I was blind to in the past. So I say thank you to all my friends that have helped me with these things! I love you all so much! I hope we have even more memories this year!

Cheers to this Year,

Maranda